You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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