I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
