im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize