She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
