"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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