he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Couch. On fire.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize