party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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