If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
