I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
