i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The adults are the big ones right?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
