i jhust puked up my retainher.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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