How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I currently don't understand fingers.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
