so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
