I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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