omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It's blow job season.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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