watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
