Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
