Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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