that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
