we made out on top of his cat.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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