is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
