Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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