my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
