He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
