Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
