Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
