it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
