I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
