@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
