Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
