I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
