Cold hands, warm shart.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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