4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Randomize
