Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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