I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
