I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
