Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
