Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
