dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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