i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
