Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You pole danced in your parka.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
