You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I look better un-naked...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Randomize
