it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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