I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize