there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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