everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
bring money and cleavage
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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