I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
