Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Oh god it's open bar.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize