you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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