I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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