Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
