ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
