I want to make a zoo with you.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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