Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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