Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
