So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
