My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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