rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
