Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize