So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
