Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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