got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
