i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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