we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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