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Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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