I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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