5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
