I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize