Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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